I am failing.
It is the fear of failure that causes me to fail. Ironic.
There is so much doubt going on in my brain.
I had a really good thing going for awhile. I feel like I’ve let the pressures of trying to maintain my lifestyle have officially overtaken my overall mission in the first place.
Now I am swimming in doubt and cynicism. I haven’t had time to express myself in my work, or do what I really want to do. I have become a cynical asshole.
The other night I went out for coffee with Brad, where I finally opened up to another person about how I was feeling. After the thought-vomiting I felt better. On the way home I began to feel worse. This song came on shuffle. I had a photo-vision of how it made me feel. I wanted to shoot it the second I got home. But when I got home, I doubted my ability to actually make it happen (I have that problem). So, I hesitated. Then I got so fucking upset with myself that I forced myself to just do it. So I did. So I felt better.
That mindset must continue. Or else I will drown.
Open up my brain
Tell me what you see
I can't find a thing
Won't you rescue me?
Help me stay awake
I've been skipping days
I'm not making sense
Time, it has no frame
Has no frame